Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Adoption Process

As I mentioned in a previous post, we officially adopted the sisters in the pictures posted in our site. Their birth Mother had voluntarily terminated her rights. This means that all other family members have also terminated their rights as well.

Since we are foster parents and the girls were wards of the state, a seperate social worker was assigned and handled all the paperwork. Within two months of petitioning the courts, the adoption was approved. We were granted monthly financial subsidies for each girl, they are eligible for Medicaid until 18 years of age, and we also get free Daycare.

When the birth certificates arrived, they were written as if WE gave birth to them. Seeing our last name on the birth certificate was a great feeling.

I love being a Daddy...even though the 3 year old still wants me to wipe her butt after using the potty. Its a trade off but well worth it. I am a HUGE advocate for adopting through the foster care system.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

What scares me the most

After all we have been through, I think my Wife would risk IVF again.
...just thinking out loud.

She is right about the lawyer situation. I was not looking to make MILLIONS off a lawsuit. Rather, I wanted someone to admit they were wrong. I almost lost my Wife...I'm not asking for much.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Lupron Petition

I actually found a petiton against Lupron. This is the drug which caused my Stroke during IVF.

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/Depot-Lupron/signatures-5.html

Please, stay away from this drug!! There are other IVF treatments that do not use Lupron!

An interesting read...

Follow this link...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2005/jun/28/health.medicineandhealth1

This poor woman had a series of strokes during IVF.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Here we go again....

After the lawyer received and reviewed all my paperwork from the three hospitals, he asked me to sign a waiver stating that I would give him permission to contact any and all of my doctors who treated me for the stroke, as well as, for my fertility issues. I was leary at first, but was easily persuaded to "suck it up and do it." I knew I would come to regret that decision.

The lawyer kept in constant contact with my husband about where he was in the case. He would call my husband and say, "I'm only my way to UNC to talk to Dr. X" or  "Dr. X won't return my call because he is out of the office" or "I found a witness who can attest that Lupron causes strokes when used as a fertility medicine, but it will cost you $$$ out of pocket. Should I book her?" Each time he called, I knew that it was costing me more and more money. Then the day came when he called to say that two of the doctors who treated me at UNC said that Lupron was to blame for the stroke, but the most important doctor, my neurologist, won't say for sure whether or not my stroke was caused by Lupron. He told my lawyer that it could have been caused by a blood disorder. This really ticked me off, because this was the first I was hearing about a potential blood disorder. My doctor had NOT told me or my husband about his latest revelation. He thought it would be most helpful if he shared it with my lawyer!?! What an idiot!!!

The lawyer decided after speaking with my neurologist that he didn't have a case and that we were "out of luck." Then two weeks before Christmas, my lawyer sent me a bill for $900 to cover the copies and travel expenses he incurred trying to make my case. Can you say JERK? I understand him billing me, but why take the case, if you didn't think it would amount to anything. I was already out of work and not bringing home a paycheck and now you are going to send me a bill that is due ASAP at Christmas!!! To say I was upset and depressed was the understatement of the year.


I had no clue as to what I should do next. So I did what I seem to do best. I confronted my neurologist at my next visit. Since I have had my stroke, I find that I tend to act first and think later, which is definitely not something I did BEFORE the stroke. I am still the nice, thoughtful person I was before, but now I have a backbone when I feel I have been wronged by someone. When my six month neurological appointment came up I was ready to give the doctor a piece of my mind.  I allowed him to do his exam and ask all the questions he wanted to ask of me... How are you feeling? Are you having headaches? Have you started back to work part time? How is it going? Are you under stress? Are you feeling dizzy? When he told me the blod clot was significantly smaller and the blood in my brain was almost gone, so I was getting a clean bill of health I was thrilled. Then he made his mistake by asking if I had any questions for him. I said, "YES!" Why did you tell my lawyer about a potential blood disorder and not think it was important enough for me to know first? Are you 100% sure that I have this disorder? Where tests run while I was in the hospital to check for this? Did he realize that his careless comments caused my lawyer to drop my case? The look on his face was priceless. He was horrified that he had messed up my case. It turns out that the tests had been run and I did not have a blood disorder, so the neurologist offered to call my lawyer and tell him he was certain it was the Lupron that had caused my stroke.

Sadly, the damage had already been done. I am embarrassed to admit that I gave up! I was tired of having to defend myself, when I had done nothing wrong. I had taken  a drug prescribed by my doctor and had suffered a serious injury as a result. It wasn't fair, but not everything in life is fair.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Lawyer? Could anything be done?

My husband, Joe, and I realized shortly after my stroke, that it was not something that should have happened to a healthy thirty year old woman, so he contacted a lawyer. At the time, I was still a little out of it and couldn't focus on what our next step should have been. Truthfully, I didn't have the energy or strength to care. Sure, I was annoyed and mad, but I wanted to get better and move on with my life. I figured I would think about a lawyer after I was better. Joe did not feel the same way as me. He figured that the doctor was careless in prescribing a medicine that was not even approved by the FDA for fertility and she should be held accountable for her actions. It made sense, but it was too difficult for me to talk about what had happened to me at the time, so I dug my feet in the ground every step of the way.
When Joe first told me he had contacted a lawyer and that I needed to sign some papers I was scared. I have never been one that enjoys confrontation and I knew that once we filed a lawsuit I was going to have to deal with a lot of unpleasant stuff. I agreed to sign the paperwork and go in and talk to the lawyer. That first meeting scared me. I am a law abiding citizen and the thought of going to a lawyer made me feel like I was in the wrong. I remember sitting down in the lawyer's office and thinking that there was no turning back. This was for real. I had to remind myself to breathe. I kept thinking what is he going to ask me? Am I going to be able to remember? Will I sound stupid if I answer the question the wrong way? Do I really have a case or am I just wasting his time and mine? The lawyer was a very pleasant man. He said his wife had tried fertility treatment and IVF without success, so he understood what my husband and I were going through. It was nice to be working with someone that could identify with my husband and me to a certain extent. The lawyer said that after talking to my husband it sounded like we had a case, but he wanted to speak with me to see how much the stroke had affected my day to day life. He asked me to explain how things had changed for me since the stroke. He said he wanted to know what I was like prior to the stroke and that he thought I needed to sit down with a specialist who could do some type of testing to determine if my IQ and personality had changed for the better or worse. What I remember most from that day is trying to explain what had happened to me and crying because I couldn't think of the words to explain it. At the end of the meeting, the lawyer asked that I contact the three different hospitals that treated me during the whole stroke episode and request all the paperwork associated with the stroke. I also had to contact the fertility specialists for the records in regard to medicines and procedures done on me. He said after reviewing the records he would reschedule another appointment with Joe and me to determine if we had a case.  

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Foster Parents

My Wife and I enrolled as Foster Parents through our local Social Services Department. Our goal was long term placement with adoption. In order to become foster parents, we had to complete a PRIDE class, submit fingerprints, have a criminal background check, etc.

Shortly after graduation, we received a call about a placement. Her name was "B" and she was 5 months old. She was a beautiful little baby girl. Since we did not have anything for the child, we spent all sorts of money on a crib, stroller, dresser, clothes, toys, etc. Her goal was adoption and we were more than ready to take her in for keeps. We spoiled that little girl and treated her like a little princess.We were so in love with "B". After six months of care, her goal changed. A family member filed for custody and won.

I remember the call from Social Services. I met them at a neutral location to turn over "B". I gave her a kiss and handed her over to the social worker. She cried and yelled, "DADADADADADA". Turned my heart inside out.

After the "B" episode, we looked at alternatives. We attended meetings for domestic adoptions and international adoptions through local agencies. They are expensive! They are very expensive!

One day we received a call from our social worker about two little sisters in immediate need for adoption. Their mother had voluntarily terminated her parental rights. At the time they were 2 and 4 years old. We met the girls and immediately fell in love. They moved in shortly after the call and have never left. We filed for adoption. Three months later, we received their birth certificates in the mail with our last names.YAY!

It was a long road to becoming parents. Something we thought would be so easy ended up being a twisting and turning road. As a Husband, I know the pain of telling my Wife the stick did not turn blue. The heart breaking look on her face when her eyes swell up with tears. The feeling of total inadequacy. The trips to the fertility doctor, the eventual failure. Adoption is an option. To be honest, I was against it from the start. After time, it made sense. Looking back, I wish we had started the process a couple of years ago.

Their are beautiful children in your area that are in need of loving parents. Call your local social services department. Be honest with them. Tell them your goal is adoption. Their is no shame in that. For some people the road ends with pregnancy, for us...we took a detour but ended up smelling like roses.

We still wait for the phone to ring. We told Social Services we would take three more children. :)

Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Lawyer, Doctors, Foster Parenting...

Please keep following our blog. We still have more stories to share with you. We would love to hear your comments and answer your questions.

Do you have questions about the medications? Doctors? Procedures?Are there other things you would like to know about?

Please...ask away!

Our Next Big Decision

I really wanted a baby. I have always dreamed of being a mom. I wanted to live the American Dream...graduate from college, get married, start a career, and have 3 or 4 children. The hardest part with the whole stroke situation has not been what most people think. It has been the realization that I may never have my own biological children. The doctors have told me that I am "not allowed" to use fertility medicine or anything that contains estrogen, because it could cause another stroke, which could ultimately kill me.

Within a month or so of getting out of the hospital, my husband and I started looking into adoption. We never realized how expensive it was! We didn't have that kind of money after all the money we had spent on fertility treatments and now my stroke. At the time, I had to see my doctor twice a week for blood tests (to monitor the Coumadin I was on) and see a speech therapist once or twice a week. I also wasn't able to go back to work right away, so we were depending on my husband's income. We knew we needed to come up with another plan.

One day while my husband was at work, his friend, "D" mentioned his foster children. My husband asked "D" lots of questions about how he and his wife got involved in becoming foster parents. It turns out that "D" and his wife also had fertility issues and adoption was too expensive for them as well. So they looked into foster care. At the time, they had three foster children all under the age of 4! My husband came home from work and told me he found a way for us to become parents and to help children at the same time. He recommended that I talk to them at the Family Day Picnic his work was having the following weekend. He said they were nice people and would answer any questions that I might have. He also said that "D" had told him that all we had to do was fill out some paperwork, do a home study, take a nine week class, and have a background check. It all seemed relatively easy.
At the picnic, my husband introduced me to "D", his wife, and their 3 children. I must have asked them a million questions about being foster parents. They were great! They were brutally honest. They told me all the good stuff associated with being foster parents and they also told me all the stuff you don't learn until after you have the children in your home (ie. court hearings every 3 to 6 months, the doctor appointments, the home visits one a month, and the visitation with parents every week). They gave me the name and number of their social worker. The next day, I called and explained that my husband and I wanted to be foster parents. She was very kind, but said that we lived too far from her agency and we needed to contact the agency in our area. Then she gave me the name and number of someone to call.  I called the next day. The receptionist said that they would mail a packet with forms that needed to be filled out as soon as possible, so we could start taking the PRIDE class. I was thrilled until I realized that they may not accept us if they knew I had a stroke. At the time, I thought because I had a stroke everyone thought that I was "brain damaged" or stupid. Looking back now, I realize I was stupid to ever think like that. I think I was just feeling sorry for myself and looking for excuses as to why things might not work out for me.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Home Sweet Home (From the Husband)

Well, we finally made it home. I felt like I was walking on egg shells for the first week. Every time she got a headache or felt weird I would panic. I guess that is normal considering the situation. We made weekly doctor visits to monitor her blood clotting ability and she started speech therapy classes. Everything started to get back to normal...even the baby talk discussions resumed.

The Doctors suggested we should never use fertility meds again which makes total sense. I am 100% ok with that. SO, the next logical step is adoption.

Immediately, we started to request all the information available on adoption. We contacted local agencies, domestic adoptions, international adoptions, etc. We had to weigh the time restraints, costs, etc. We had some decisions to make.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The flight and my stay at UNC...(through the Husband's eyes)

My Wife and I can agree about one thing, the staff at UNC was wonderful. They went out of their way to make us comfortable. Well...I'm not sure if you ever spent time in a stroke unit before, I can tell you it is not fun. People screaming out in the middle of the night was a common occurance.

Anyway...when I arrived at UNC, my Wife was out for testing. The Nurse brought me something to drink and eat, introduced me to the staff, showed me around, and sat down to talk about my Wife's condition. They decided the best route was to continue with the heparin drip (blood thinner) and hope the clot dissolves on it's own. She brought me a bunch of stroke literature to read, different brochures, etc.

After a couple of hours, my Wife was brought back. Her smile lit up the room, I was soooo happy to see her. The nurse recommended I bring pictures and just talk to my wife. A little stimulation was a good thing. She was still talking garbled and complaining of a headache but she looked better.

She had NO idea she was in North Carolina. She had no idea why she was in the hospital. I showed her pictures of our dogs, she smiled. I asked her what their names were. She said three different words so I knew she realized we had 3 dogs. I handed her a brochure and asked her to write their names down. She completed the task with ease. We were just shooting the bull when she looked at the brochure. It had a picture of an old man on the cover and the title read, Understanding your Stroke. My wife started to cry. She pointed to the old man and said, Me? I did not respond. She wiped her tears away and asked, how? I told her it was the IVF meds. She then said, I want a baby. At this point the last thing on my mind is a baby. After all she has been through, she is upset that the procedure failed and we do not have a baby.

The days went by and her condition improved. Her speech started to get back to normal, her movements, her coordination, the little mannerisms I fell in love with...all coming back to normal. A few set backs here and there but for the most part, she was getting better. I slept by her side every night in a small recliner. We watched tv, talked, I read to her...she was getting better. When she slept, I stared out the window towards the walkway that led to the parking garage. I daydreamed about us walking that path together. I thought about us going home. I was not thinking about a baby. I just wanted my Wife back.

The doctors finally decided that the medication Lupron had caused my wifes stroke. They reported the adverse side effect to the FDA. It really pissed me off when I found out that Lupron was not approved by the FDA for fertility reasons. Its kind of strange, you cannot legally buy a baby but you can spends thousands on meds and thousands on adpotion fees.

None the less, my Wife was finally released from UNC. She had to see her family doctor for blood work twice a week and start speech therapy. To be honest, I was just happy to have her back. Everything else seemed so trivial.

Within a week of being home, we started talking about adoption.

The flight and my stay at UNC...

I had never been in a helicopter before...always wanted to go up in one, but this was not the way I had pictured it happening. I vaguely remember hearing the doctors, my husband, and parents talking about another hospital, but I was so out of it that I didn't understand what they were talking about. All I was concerned about was water. I was so thirsty and all I wanted was something to drink, but I was having trouble communicating that. A kind nurse kept bringing me water once she and my husband figured out what I wanted. My husband later told me that the nurse was not supposed to give me anything, because they didn't know when and if they would have to operate and nothing could be in my stomach. The nurse gave it to me anyway, because they didn't think I would survive the night. That is ALWAYS wonderful to hear. Thank god my husband told me that long after I was out of the hospital!!!

I don't exactly remember when the helicopter paramedics came into my room,  but I remeber being put on a VERY narrow stretcher and being belted down. I kissed my husband goodbye and felt confusion take over my body. I was so scared, because I didn't understand why I was being wheeled into any elevator, why was I on the roof, and why I was being lifted in to the helicopter? I remember the paramedic trying to talk to me, but giving up and talking to the pilot when I couldn't answer him. I had on headphones to block out the loud noise, but my head was so sore, so all the headphones did was put more pressure on my head. I have no idea how long I was in the helicopter, but it felt like hours.

Once we arrived at UNC, I looked for my husband and he was nowhere to be found. Now I was really scared. Where was I? Where was my family? What was going on? I was surrounded by a bunch of nurses who were all talking, I guess they were trying to explain what was going on, but I couldn't understand them. As they talked, they hooked me up to machines, inserted needles into my arm, and applied pads to my chest, so they could monitor my breathing, pulse, and heart rate. All the nurses were very nice to me, they kept smiling. After they were finished I was wheeled into another area for a CT scan, which confirmed that the swelling/ fluid build up in my brain had increased and caused a hemorrhage. The radiologist suggested I have an MRI, MRA, and MRV to determine how large the edema was. Later that day I had all the tests done. I was petrified, because I am claustrophobic. The thought of being placed in a large, loud box scared the hell out of me.The doctor prescribed something for me to take and the radiologist gave me a ball to squeeze if I couldn't take being in the machine any longer. Knowing I was able to get out if I needed to was all I needed to feel safe and I was fine for the rest of the tests. The tests revealed I had a hemorrhage and a blood clot. There was no midline shift, which meant that my brain was very swollen.

By the time most of the tests were over my husband had arrived from Virginia. I was very happy to see him as he was to see me. I slept most of that night. The next day, I woke up with whaat sounded like a loud screeching sound in my ear. I couldn't hear anything my husband or the nurse was saying to me. The screeching was too loud. The doctor ordered another test, which revealed nothing had changed, which was good., but bad in the sense we didn't know what had caused the screeching sound.

Later that day my brother and mother had driven down to UNC to visit me. My husband decided to leave for a little break. Pick up some more clothes, get something to eat, and just relax for a few hours without having to worry about me. My family stayed for about an hour. I was so excited to see them and try and talk to them, but it was very frustrating at the same time, because half way through a thought I would forget what I was saying or I would forget how to say the word. One of the strange things about the type of stroke I had was that I couldn't remember how to say words, but I could spell them correctly if I was able to write them down. While my brother and mother were visiting a friend and her husband came down to UNC to visit me as well. Shortly after my friend arrived my mother and brother left because they were afraid it would overstimulate me to try to have a conversation with four people. My friends stayed for about an hour or so, because I kept struggling to stay awake while they were there. I never realized how much energy it takes to carry on a conversation. Not too long after they left my husband came back. A little while later my sister called to talk to me, which was really frustating because I was so tired from all my visitors that I really had trouble rememebering how to form sentences or even thoughts. After a few minutes of trying to talk to my sister I broke down crying from pure frustation and my husband had to finish the conversation with my sister.

Later that day my cousin, who I hadn't seen in a few years, stopped by. I was so excited to see her. My husband decided to leave for a "smoke break", so we could catch up.  My cousin was doing most of the talking, while I listened. I liked this type of conversation, because I could just smile and nod. I didn't feel stupid or handicapped. Unfortunately that was short lived...Not too long after my cousin arrived I began to have trouble hearing. I didn't think much of it at first, when I wasn't able to hear her that well, but after a few minutes I felt deaf. I started to panic. My poor cousin didn't know what to do. So she ran to the nurses station to get help. When the nurse and my cousin came back I tried to explain that I couldn't hear, but of course that sentence didn't want to come out of my mouth!!! After what felt like eons, the nurse got in conatct with a doctor. Just about that time, my poor husband walked back into the room. Imagine his horror at the sight of me freaking out and my cousin not knowing what to do???  The doctor decided to schedule an EEG, which ruled out another stroke but leaned toward a possible seizure. The doctor decided to place me on Keppra.

I don't remember much from the next couple of days other than speaking with a speech pathologist and physical therapist. It wasn't until the fourth day that I was there that I realized I was "locked" in the stroke unit. I hadn't been allowed to walk around, because of the stroke and seizure. They were afraid I might have another seizure, bang my head on something, and perhaps cause more injury to my brain.  The only way I could walk was if I leaned on my husband or went with the physical therapist. I was horrified when I realized they thought I might leave the stroke unit and had locked me in. Looking back now, I realize it was in my best interest, but back then I was pissed. How dare they "lock" me in there!

Each day, I looked forward to seeing my nurses and "student doctors". The student doctors would come in with the attending doctor and ask me questions or ask me to perform tasks....What is your name? What city do you live in? Who is the president?  Can you repeat this sentence? Can you repeat this number pattern? Can you shrug your shoulders? Can you stand on your left foot? The first few days I was in the hospital , I would cry because I couldn't do the tasks or answer many of the questions. I would apologize profusely. They were always so nice about it. I could tell they really cared. I was never able to answer all their questions, but the tasks did get easier to do. The doctors recommended physical therapy and speech therapy on release from the hospital.

On my last day at the hospital, the nurses came in to say goodbye. They were so sweet. They told me that they didn't want me to leave because I was such a nice patient. I took that as a compliment and will be forever thankful to UNC for helping me on the road to recovery.  The only negative thing I can think of to say about UNC was that the discharge nurse gave me verbal instructons for what I needed to do once I was released from the hospital, perhaps forgetting that I had just had a stroke a week earlier. Luckily, my husband came back in time to ask her to repeat herself again, so he could listen to the instructions and remember them. Home sweet home, here we come....

Monday, September 7, 2009

Hospital 1, Hospital 2, Hospital 3...Through the Husband's eyes (continued)

The majority of the time in the ICU, I stayed by my Wife's side. You can imagine the thoughts racing through my head. Everytime a machine beeped my heart sank. I memorized every stat on the machines so I could tell if her condition changed. I had such a difficult time trying to comprehend the situation. I reasoned with God, I reasoned with myself. How the HELL did this happen? We wanted a child...thats it. We are good people, my Wife is a saint...WHY WHY WHY?

At one point, I went home to let the dogs out, take a shower, make a few calls. I walked into the house and went into our bedroom. I saw her clothes laid out on the bed. Everything was too normal. It was like she was home. I started to cry.

Back at the hospital, her condition remained the same. The doctors decided to keep her on blood thinners until they could find a hospital that specialized in strokes. They called Duke University, UNC, UVA, etc. No beds were available. Finally, UNC called and had an open bed in the stroke unit. They airlifted my Wife to UNC. I jumped in my car and headed to North Carolina. I thought about the kiss I gave her before they boarded her onto the helicopter. I am not a spiritual person or at least I wasn't before this happened. I prayed the entire drive to UNC.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Hospital 1, Hospital 2, Hospital 3...Through the Husband's eyes

As my Wife mentioned, the first hospital thought she had meningitis. I argued with the attending Physician about her symptoms. They pressed forward with an MRI and realized she had a bleed in the brain. They immediately realized they were not fully equipped to deal with the situation. They loaded my Wife into an ambulance and transferred her to another hospital about 45 minutes away. I gave her a kiss goodbye and told her I would see her soon.

As the ambulance pulled away, I drove home. I needed to let the dogs out, get my Wife's glasses, get her some pajamas, etc. At this point, I am still holding up well. I took care of everything and raced to the hospital.

When I arrived at the second hospital, her room in ICU was empty. They had her out out for a CT scan and other various testing. I sat in a room with glass walls still not fully knowing the prognosis. I stared at the walls not thinking, I was just kind of numb.

After what seemed forever, they wheeled her back into the room. She looked at me and said, "I just want it to be over...I want to go home". She apologized to me 1000 times. Her words were still kind of garbled. I gave her a big hug. The nurse summoned me and I followed.

As I walked out of the room I was introduced to two Doctors. They sat me down and showed me the results of the scan. In a nut shell, my wife has a clot in her brain restricting blood flow. The next step was to remove the clot. They spoke about evasive surgery tactics, they spoke about blood thinners, blah blah blah. I asked one simple question, "Will she be ok?". One of the Doctors put his hand on my shoulder and said, "This is very serious, she may not make it through the night." I was floored. My legs felt like jelly, I could barely stand. I looked at my Wife laying in the bed, she smiled at me.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Something's not right??

On July 3, 2007 I took  my first dose of Lupron. I remember telling my husband that the medicine stung going in, but I was feeling fine. On July 4th, I woke up with a headache, but knew that it was a side effect of the medication, so I didn't think too much about it. Later in the day, I started having other minor side effects..stomach pain and dizziness. Again, I didn't think too much about it. I knew if I wanted to get pregnant I had to do this, in the end it would be worth a little discomfort.
That evening, I drove to my parents house to watch the fireworks. I was supposed to sleep at my sister's house, so I could watch her newborn son while she went to work the next morning. I was complaining to my mother that I still had a headache that would not go away. It was getting worse, but I was still able to function. My sister and I decided to call it a night around 9, so when we got back to her house, I took my second dose of the Lupron and went to bed.
When I woke up on July 5th. I wanted to die. My head hurt so badly and the thought of watching my nephew scared me half to death. I didn't know if I would be able to take care of him. I thought "God it hurts just to pick my head up! How am I going to change and feed him?" I didn't want to disappoint my sister, so I told her I was fine and she left for work around 8. My mother called me to say she was going to stop by my sister's house to see the baby and to check on me. I told her she was welcome to come by. When my mother got there I told her my head was really hurting. She offered to let me leave and she would watch the baby. I told her that I could tough it out until my sister got home from work. My sister came home from work around three and I decided that I needed to leave, so I could go home and lay down. At the time, I lived about an hour and a half away from my family. I started driving home and about an hour into the drive I realized my vision was getting blurry. I had just gotten onto the Interstate when suddenly I developed "tunnel vision". I had never been so scared in all my life. I couldn't pull over because I couldn't see if anyone was beside me. I saw my phone and I called my husband crying that I couldn't see. He told me to pull over and he would come get me, but I tried to explain I couldn't. I drove the rest of the way home pulled into my driveway, went into the house, and collapsed on the couch. When my husband got home I told him I was not going to take this medicine again. I would finish the medicine so we could try the IVF procedure, but if it didn't work, then we could just adopt. I took the dose of Lupron that night, took some Tylenol PM, and went to bed. I just needed to get rid of this headache!
That morning started like any other morning. My husband got up for work. He took a shower, got dressed, and before heading out the door he gave me a kiss. I mumbled something to him. He asked me to repeat myself and garbage came out of my mouth. Nothing that made any sense. I remember being confused and still in a lot of pain. I could actually hear myself talking to my husband and it didn't sound like me. The voice was the same, but something was strange, but I couldn't put my finger on it. My husband quickly disappeared into the other room and began making phone calls. We he came back into the room I remember he grabbed my winter coat and put it on me (in July!!!) and said we needed to go to a doctor's appointment. I remember knowing something wasn't right, but not being able to concentrate hard enough to ask my husband questions. I remember driving past the "turn-off" to the doctor's office and realizing I was going to the hospital. By now, I was scared. I knew it was bad if my husband was driving me to the hospital and not telling me why he was taking me.
When we got to the hospital which was less that 10 miles from my house, all I can really remember is the doctor and nurses asking me tons of questions I couldn't answer. I kept saying "I'm sorry" over and over. I was so confused. I couldn't understand why they weren't helping me with the pain. I knew they were giving me medicine, but it wasn't easing the pain at all. My husband later told me that the doctors didn't know what was wrong with me. He had to tell the ER doctors that he spoke with Duke and the doctor there said to get me to the hospital because it sounded like I had suffered a stroke. The ER doctor didn't believe my husband. He thought because we lived in a college town that I probably had meningitis, so they treated me for that. That medicine is a nasty medicine it makes people act mean and hateful, which is not my normal behavior. I asking my husband if we "were done yet?" Saying,"I want to go home."

Friday, September 4, 2009

Medications

On June 28, 2007, two days before my thirtieth birthday, I went down to Durham, NC to Duke Fertility Center to start the process of IVF.  My husband and I were filled with excitement at the thought of the IVF being successful. We played the "What if? game" the whole way down... what if we get pregant with twins? what if we get pregnant with triplets? what would you name a girl? what would you name a boy? would they have my crazy mannerisms? would they have my husband's green eyes? We were ready to be parents. We wanted this so badly!!!
When we arrived at Duke, I went in and had a ultrasound to make sure that the birth control and the Follistim injections I had been taking for the past few days had been working. The doctor said that the uterine cavity looked normal and I had an antral follicle count of 9. There was nothing to worry about. The next step was to start taking the medication Lupron, which is prescribed to prevent premature ovulation. The doctor decided I should take 225 IUs every evening. I was given a kit that would be enough for 14 days.
Later that afternoon, my husband and I needed to go to a training session on how and when to take all the medications. The doctor's nurse ran the session. She gave me a sheet that listed the medications I would need to take over the next few days... birth control, Foliistim, antibiotics, Lupron, and Ovidrel. The nurse discussed the side effects of Lupron with my husband and me...painful and/or frequent urination, severe headaches, insomnia, dizziness, hot flashes, and stomach pain. Before my husband and I left Duke, we had to meet with a financial planner to discuss how we would pay for this procedure. We realized it was a big investment, but it was worth it to us. We left Duke feeling confident that most of our questions had been  answered.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Share your Stories or Comments

Please feel free to leave your comments or stories. We love to hear both!
Do you need more details? Do you want to know about specific medications?
We would love to share each step of our journey with you!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Let me start from the beginning....

In the fall of 2005, I had just started a new teaching job, when a teacher told me about the problems her and her husband were having conceiving a baby. She mentioned she was seeing a fertility specialist to help them get pregnant. I was very interested in hearing all about the doctor and what he was doing to help them achieve their goal. I asked lots of questions and decided that my husband and I needed to contact this doctor as well. We had been trying for about a year to get pregnant with no luck. So I called the doctor to schedule an appointment for a consultation. I saw the doctor in December of 2005 and he performed a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) and discovered that the tube on the right side had a right-side filling defect. He said that he couldn't see why I wasn't pregnant. He told me to go home and try for another six months, then if my husband and I weren't successful to come back and we would discuss in vitro fertilization (IVF). I was pissed. I thought that it seemed kind of random to try for six months then do something extreme like IVF.

I decided to contact another fertility specialist. This doctor was much better than the previous doctor. He seemed more thorough. He took a semen analysis from my husband and performed laparoscopy/hysteroscopy on me, in which he treated mild endometriosis. In July of 2006, I started my first of four ovulation induction cycles which consisted of injecting myself in the stomach with Follistim for anywhere between 7 to 9 days in conjunction with intrauterine insemination (IUI). Sadly, none of them resulted in a pregnancy.

Not one to give up easily, in April of 2007, I decided to schedule an appointment with Duke University Health Systems: Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology Reproductive Endocrinology and Fertility. By this time my husband and I were ready and willing to do IVF. At our first appointment, we spoke with the doctor about our family histories, surgical history, social history, medical history, gynecological history, and she performed a physical exam on me. We discussed when I preferred to get pregnant... I wanted to get pregant over summer break, so I could almost be through my first trimester by the time school started back up again. She discussed what type of medication I would need to take, reviewed the IVF process including pituitary down-regulation, explained the frequency of ultrasound and estrogen monitoring, the risks of ovary hyperstimulation, and the retrieval of the eggs. The doctor told me "at my age, we hope to anticipate a good embryo yeild." After an hour visit, my husband and I left with a bunch of prescriptions and a renew sense of hope and excitement for the future. We were officially on the road to becoming proud parents..... That excitement was short lived. Contacting Duke Fertility Center turned out the be THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!!! I will forever regret calling Duke to schedule an IVF.