Sunday, October 4, 2009

Would I do it again?

That is the eternal question. Would I ever try another type of fertility treatment? My answer depends on the type of day I am having. Truthfully, I know it is selfish to want to try another type of treatment, but I REALLY want to have a biological child. I know that my family and friends went through the hell of IVF and the stroke with me. I am 100% certain that I would never try IVF again! I would have to be an idiot, being that I "cheated" death once, I am not a betting person, so I'm not going to risk it =) I often wonder if I could get pregnant if Joe and tried IUI again. It was never successful for us, but who knows there is always that "what if" thought in the back of my mind. I am almost 100% sure that Joe would NEVER go for it... actually who am I kidding he would NEVER go through with it!!!

I am writing this post, as my three year old and 17 month old sit at the end of the kitchen table eating a snack and watching the Wiggles on the portable DVD player. Today, my answer to the fertility question would be "No, thanks!" I have my hands full with three kids, but who knows what the answer will be tomorrow...

Joe and I have talked about trying to conceive a baby, but nothing has happened yet. I know that he doesn't enjoy the whole "trying process" because it always leads to me crying because it is not successful. I used to hate when people would say, "Christine, you need to relax", "You are too high strung", "All you have to do is not think about it", or "It's in God's hands." I always wanted to say "Shut up! "to them. I know they thought their comments would help, but all they did was stress me out even more!!! I used to think (and still occassionally do think) that I am good person, so why don't I deserve to have the big family I want?!?  I know that we have two beautiful adopted girls and one cute, mischievous little foster child, but I want more. I keep waiting for Social Serices to call and say we have another child for you....are you interested?

I am a little jealous of the fact that my sister is able to just look at her husband and get pregnant.My mother was the same. Each time my parents decided to have another child, they got pregant very quickly and easily.  Am I being greedy or petty for wanting more? Am I in the wrong? Should I just give up on the idea of having a biological child? Seriously, you guys I want to know what your thoughts are on this.